#6

Goodness gracious today was boring. I guess I could be relieved though? There's usually a bunch of really weird crap happening around here but it seems like the only odd thing was that big ass fight in front of Dreamwood.

So what's up with today? Like, I don't know if I should be worried that everything is  kinda chill or if I should go out and have a normal day here. Hmmmm.

I guess I'll go get coffee? Or I'll go get drunk. So many options. Now last time I went out I got completely shitfaced and woke up on the floor of my apartment. Welp, round 2!

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God drinking alone is so sad. I probably look pathetic to everyone in here. They're all like "Who's the ginger with no friends? Wasn't she the one that they dragged out of here a few weeks ago?" Yep fellas. That was me.

Im soo broeddd. And dryunk. Nd sadd. I slpeepy.

This was a bad idea. Oh well

#5

Why is there a blue guy standing on top of the asylum. I really should just stop being surprised by the weird shit I see in this town. Oh wait damn is he jumping? Oh yep and now he’s on the ground. I should be shaken up by this right? Why am I not? Whatever. The police will deal with all that. Oh look. There they are now.Well I feel weird for being so apathetic but whatever. Time to go be nice to some old people. Yep. I’m a damn saint. I am so nice. I’m so bored really. For some reason I hate being alone, and I hate doing things where people may talk to me. So old people seemed like a good idea because I know they’re harmless. 

Did no one else hear that? Sounded like a freaking propane tank exploded. Oh wait no here’s that lady that always looks important I’m sure she’ll tell me if this is something I should care about. Got damn Taylor why are you so emotionless today? 

“Hey guys!” Ok this is about to be bad. She’s using her “perky everything’s ok but it’s clearly not but I’m remaining calm not to freak you out voice.” I’ve been volunteering here for like two hours and she’s used it like nine times for crap like spilled mashed potatoes and some dudes oxygen tank being cut off. “There’s been a little accident outside. No need to worry! There’s just been a strange liquid leak and until they can tell us how dangerous it is. We need to evacuate to the asylum.” Woah what? Perky pants said some poison shit just leaked out so now we have to go to the suicide building? Oh nooo.

I can’t do this. I need a drink. Can’t drink alone though that’s depressing. Uhhhh. That Lucia girl seemed nice. Even though she’s kinda covered in that possible blue poison shit. Did she fall? Whatever even though that’s really funny, she could probably use a drink too. My people  skills are improving. All I have to do is ask her to come out with me in a non weird way. “Hey Lucia. You wanna go get a drink at Joe’s?” Smooth. Natural. I did good. “Uhh yeah.” Slight hesitation but a yes is a yes.

Is no one going to acknowledge this fucking Subaru? Holy shit is that Travis? Just hurry up and get to the damn bar Taylor. He can’t do anything if you’re in a crowded place. Aaand I'm safe. Lucia probably thinks I’m weird for getting so freaked out over seeing a car but I swear it was following me. But it’s gone now so I’m just gonna chill. Holy crap. Not chill. Not chill. Wait false alarm thats not Travis. It’s just some dude Lucia knows. 

Ok I need alcohol. Fast. I’m drunk. How manrty did I dryunk? _________________________________________

How’d I get home? What time is it? I’m calling in sick to work. It hurts to be awake.

4

So this is actually the worst day ever. It's cold and I don't even know why I'm outside right now. All I can think about it Trevid and I hate thinking about Travis.

"Damn these cold pockets!" Is that Leonard? I've never seen him outside of the graveyard before but here he is creaming at the air. Yep. The air. This is my life. This is where I live now. This is where I escaped to. I'm happy though. Or happier at least. It's pretty cool here but it's so weird.

But I mean I chose this. As long as no one is throwing me into walls of tables I think I can deal with some weirdos screaming at the weather. Ok what the hell is that?

Is that that weird psychic lady? She's by a fire... Cool...

This is odd right? Cause I find this really odd. Are those cards? Does she know my future?

"Courage, persistence, test of faith, resilience... My dear" What the fuck does that mean?

Ok I'm officially freaked out. Why aren't I running away? This is some stranger danger type stuff to the highest degree. But I feel safe.  I feel like I could stay here in this awkward silence and stare at this woman forever. I feel like we could just talk and not say anything. This is cool. This is weird as fuck though, but I like it.

"I came here because my ex used to beat me." Why am I saying this? No one knows about this. No ones supposed to know. Stop talking! "I let him do it for three years. I couldn't leave him because I loved him. I had to get away though. I could tell he'd kill me eventually if I stayed." Ok well there goes that whole fresh start and new identity thing.

She's not moving. She's just staring. I guess I'll stare too.

Blog 3: Apt 316

Oh goodie my phones ringing. Oh no. It's Travis. What the hell could he possibly want? Shit did he find me? Crap what if he found me? What if he's outside right now?

Ok he's not outside because I would see him outside because I'm standing outside. Shit what if he's inside? I'm gonna answer it. Wait no. Don't do that that's what he wants. He wants a way back in. Not again. I'm gonna be strong and not give in. Dammit I hit Accept Call. HANG UP! Did he talk? That was rude should I call him back cause I think I heard him say something. No. Stop. Forget it. Move on. Breathe.

And I'm good. Well as good as I can be in three feet of snow. Who's idea was that anyway? Ok so it's two right now. I can get a drink at Joe's, be home by 3, and then leave for City at 3:45.

I like Joe's, I don't know why I never bothered to come here before. Probably because I’ve never really liked bars. But they’re pretty chill during the day so this may be my new thing.

Gotta scope out a place to sit. The girl working at the bar looks pleasant enough. I'm bad at talking to people though. I keep saying I'm gonna make friends. Travis was my friend... Don't think about him though. I need a real friend. Ok maybe I'm putting way too much thought into making friends with this girl I don't know. I'm just gonna sit here and chill and maybe smile at her. Smiling never hurts. No don't smile like that that's weird. Better. More natural.

God I'm a mess. "But you're my mess" Yep that's Travis's stupid voice in my head. I used to think it was cute when he said that. I really need to stop thinking about him. I'm going home.  Yeah now is good it's almost three and if I wanna make the 4 o'clock class then I need to head home now so I can actually have a chance of relaxing before I leave.

...

It smells hella suspicious. It's getting stronger. Oh come on there was a police search this morning. Ok wow it's worse in the hallway. I literally can't see in the hallway there's so much smoke. Should I hold my breath? Should I call the police back? Is this illegal? Do I care? Fuck it. It'd be nice to have friends to enjoy this with though. Hehehe I'm gonna go back inside now.

Screw it. I'm just gonna watch Netflix and eat pretzels. Yeah pretzels. God I want some pretzels. I have chips. Same thing. I also have cookies which are not the same thing but still it's the same thing.

I really should get some friends. I deserve friends. I'm a delightful person to be around. I definitely feel like I could get a friend. Woah I just spent like two hours eating and watching Friends. Haha I was watching Friends and now I want some friends. You make friends at speed dating right? Because that's where I'm headed. Wait I should make myself attractive first right? I think I should do that.

Ok hair is in a bun because I'm too lazy to try and it looks Tumblr-y so we're going with it. A little cleavage never hurt anybody but it's cold so maybe a sweater would be nice. Yep. And pants. I'm wearing some. And these Uggs make me look basic but I don't care because comfort.

Aaannd Iii'm off too see the Wizard. Or just whoever I meet. Am I still high? Because I can't focus, not that I was ever good at that but still. Whatever.

Crap is that Brian? Crap is that the guy from my dance class who I almost hit on but never did. Decisions must be made now. Who am I going home with? Wait why do I need to go home with somebody? Because I’m lonely. Shut up.  I should probably be realistic. I've got a better chance with the stupid guy from my dance class. But Brian though.

Well I’ve been ignoring every guy in here just waiting for a chance to talk to Brian. The guy from dance class is a few chairs down but from what I’ve seen none of the girls are really into him that much. Such a shame. But I move to Brian next and I have to have my game face on. I’m still feeling blazed as hell and I’m paranoid that Brian will notice. Does it matter though? I’ starting to lose interest in this whole socialization thing but Brian is just so pretty. *Ding* Well I guess it’s my turn.

Smile at him. No stop giggling. Ok talk.

“Hi there. I’m Taylor” Ok not too bad. People generally talk like that.

Hi Taylor, I’m Brian” Oh Sweet Lord he’s perfect. That smile. His hair. He’s more beautiful up close.

Shit. He knows. I can feel him looking at me. He’s a doctor for Christ’s sake he totally knows. I gotta get out of here.

Stop freaking out. Calm down. “Look Brian you’re really hot and it was nice to meet you but I have to leave now.” Idiot.

“Um, well ok then.” He hates me. He thinks I’m a rude pot head. Dammit.

Day 2

The time is 2:30 ad I am officially done unpacking. Yeah, its kinda sad. I moved in like a month ago and it took me this long to get my tiny ass apartment looking suitable for intelligent human life. Well, better late than never I guess. I could catch the 3 o'clock dance class at the community college if I hurry. But do I wanna hurry? Do I feel like sweating today? Stupid questions but I gotta do something to get myself out of this apartment building or I'm gonna lose it. I've lived in this town for like a month and I haven't made a single friend. Well that's not completely true if you count the lady that teaches the dance classes at City. She says hi to me and tells me I'm doing a good job in the classes so I've got that going for me, which is nice.

Alright Carpe Diem TayTay Carpe the freaking Diem. I’m gonna go to dance class. I’m gonna have some fun. I’m going to have a social life. I want to be normal eventually. I’m getting in the car. I can do this. Gonna do the thing.

……

Yooo that kid’s hot. Like damn. Like really. Like wow. But he sucks and he’s kinda stupid. How do you not know your left from your right? But I forgive him because I like his face.

It’s obviously my duty to teach him and give him extra practice time. I’m doing a service really. He needs help and I’m helping him. Gonna go talk to him. Yep, gonna do it, I’m doing it. Dammit the teacher lady wants me. I should really learn her name but whatever. Wait, I wasn't listening what did she say?

“I’m sorry what did you say?” Crap now she thinks I’m stupid.

“I said great job today Taylor.” Yep, that’s our whole friendship right there. “But before you go I wanted to talk to you about a job here.” What?

“What?” Look excited you idiot. Smile “I mean, what? Like you want me to teach another hip hop class?”

“Well, no. We already have hip hop instructors for all levels, but I overheard you talking about doing ballroom and I was hoping you could teach an advanced salsa class on Tuesday nights?” Uhh hell yeah I wanna teach an advance salsa class on Tuesday nights

“Yes, yes that’d be great. Thank you so much! Do I need to audition or something? Like bring in a partner and prove to you that I can do it?” Shit, that means I have to meet somebody,  convince them to be my partner, and create a routine and a bunch of other stressful crap I really don't wanna do.

“No, I trust you.” Why? “Honestly, the last instructor quit and I needed someone ASAP. Dont be offended? You really are a great dancer.” I’m not offended by money. And I needed some cause I just paid my rent and bills and I have exactly $17.62 in my bank account. Say yes dumbass. Oh and how much am I making?

“I’m not offended at all. I’m just glad to have a job. I’ll see you tuesday then?” Ok now leave before she changes her mind. “Bye!”

I have a job! Holy shit ouch! Good job Taylor you just ran knocked down a woman.

Dammit “I’m so sorry miss I was running and not paying attention and you probably hate me.”

She doesn’t look that mad, just preoccupied. Shit she’s about to talk stop staring! “It’s fine really. But I’ve got to go.”

And she went. Eventually I’m going to remember how to behave like a normal person.

Day One

"Calm down Taylor, it was just a nightmare. He cant hurt you anymore" I'm getting really tired of having to tell myself that every time I wake up screaming. At least I'm in a new place now. How long was I even asleep? Ok its 6:15 pm. So all I've done today is move out of Travis's house and fall asleep on my new couch. Well at least I'm out. I do kind of wish that things didn't turn out the way they did though.

No, don't think like that. I can't risk doing something stupid like forgiving him for years of abuse. I'll just start unpacking. Moving all those boxes in here by myself was hard work and I deserved that nap. *Yawn* Alright well I guess this is home now. A tiny apartment on the 3rd floor that's barely big enough for one. Hey at least the rent is cheap. I'm completely broke since Travis drained my bank account after I left. It was so worth it though. I had to get out of there. I couldn't let him beat me again. But even with my new found freedom, I'm not sure how long I'll be able to keep this place since I had to quit my job so he couldn't find me there.

Because seriously though... money. That stuffs kinda important and I have... none.

I mean I've been a dancer my entire life and that's the only thing I've ever been good at. I can't believe I let that idiot ruined that for me too. Man I hate that guy. The studio used to be a place where I could run to and be happy and free, especially when things got bad with him at home. But then he started getting really possessive and started showing up at the studio because he wanted to be "nice" and "surprise me." I thought it was cute at first but I figured out he rally just wanted to check up on me and show everyone I work with that I "belonged" to him."

God my parents were so right about him. Hell, everyone was right about him. But my dumbass was like "Ooohh noooo, he'd never hit me or anybody. He's soooo nice." or "You don't know him like I do..." Blah blah bullshit. This was the most cli-freakin-che thing ever. I can't believe I put up with that abusive douche for 3 years. I defied ever rule my parents ever had to be with him because I was "in love."

Look how far love got me. I'm 21, never went to college, no job, no skills, probably gonna lose this sad excuse for an apartment, and I'm living in a town that I never  of based off of the sole reason that I'd never heard of it. Who does that? An idiot that's who. Who's an idiot? That'd be me.

Ugh I've got to get my mind off of him. I  should go be productive and unpack now. *lights shut off* ...Ok, I know I can't be behind on my electric bills yet..I think the power's out in the whole building. Wait, shit, no th whole town. Alright well since staying in here is both pointless and I'm probably gonna end up crying if I let my mind drift, I guess I could go explore. If I could see anything... Ok seriously though where is my door? I have one somewhere.

Aannnd I'm falling. "HOLY BALLS THAT HURT!" Dammit I think I'm bleeding. Nope, no blood, but a lovely bruise will be forming right next to my scar. Ohh the memories. That bad boy is from when Travis shoved me and I fell on the corner of our table. I fucking hate that guy. This will be forever remind me why I had to get away. I gotta stop thinking about him but its hard with a 4 inch scar on your rib cage to remind you. Back to trying to find my door though...

 "Taylor you've fallen over the same box twice you dumb slut. Are you just now realizing that you have an iPhone with a flashlight on it?" Alrightey, there's the door, there's my coat, lets go see what hell hole I've moved into.

Wow. So the weather is gross. I can swim in this air the fog is so thick. Well I went about two feet out of the building... now I know where the speed limit sign is. Awesome. That counts as going somewhere and I think that's enough exploring for the day. It's cold as Hell and I'm more of a warm weather type. Back to sleep for me.